What do I want?

I have had the same thing said to me three different ways in the span of about 12 hours. And so I wanted to share. It started last night. "Focus on yourself." And then today... "Think about what you want." and then just now "Listing life's priorities."

I moved from New Jersey to Baltimore. I did so to move away from a family that I love dearly, but in which I cannot seem to find my independence. I have a very set place in the family, something I like to call a box. But I have never been able to tell them that I don't really fit into that box. I don't think they would have such a huge problem if I told them, I just am too cowardly to do it. Anyway, the holidays in Jersey are great. They make me want to fit right in that box and stay there forever. And why not? Who's to say that is wrong?

I guess I am the one who says that is wrong. Though I can't help but think that I'm mad at myself for it. Why can't it be enough? Why can't the life that is there satisfy me? Did I ever really give it a chance?

I don't have the answers to those questions, but I am working on it. I don't have the answer to the "What do I want" question either. But the fact that I am asking it feels like a good thing.