The Journey

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day." -Letters to a Young Poet

I saw this quote the other day on a card....maybe it was a magnet. But either way, it stuck with me. It is probably only profound for me because it is where I am at this exact moment. Living everything, whether it be happy, sad, annoying, or funny. I let everything just kind of wash over me. I accept it as it is, and then I move on. I don't try to answer the questions.

This is huge for me, because I have always been a planner. Trying to work out every detail of my life. If it goes right, thanking God. If it doesn't, asking him why? I found myself living in a house (which to this day, I can't say why I bought it), scared to go out, mad because I didn't have a husband, and babies, because I don't make enough money, and I don't get to do all the things that I want to because a job that sends me out at a moment's notice. And I was miserable. So I started searching.

I've talked about it on previous posts. I've been worked towards this wisdom for a while and now I've found it. An acceptance of myself, of where I am in life. Most of all, an acceptance of the fact that I don't have all of the answers... and shocker, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO! What it has brought is an amazing sense of relief. I am no longer trying to figure out what it all means, why everything that is happening, is indeed happening. And I am no longer trying to control my outcomes.

Over the past couple days I've talked with different people with whom I wish I could share this gift, this peace. But I can't put into words how I got here. What I realize now is that I can't give this to anyone, it is an answer to a question that one has to live to find out. For now I can only enjoy my journey and rejoice when other's journey has brought them to a similar spot.